Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Larry Crane - All Women Are Bad (1969)


All Women Are Bad. Medical science has known this for years but now here’s the picture that proves it!
When a door-to-door salesman (whose mental state is already in question) finds his wife, Leila, in bed with another man, he heads straight to Manhattan: “Somewhere in the crowd in the big city, I’ll find another woman!” His search takes him to a keyhole in a boarding house where he watches a woman artist sketching a naked man with a hairy ass: “I know these women! They’re just like my wife!” True! The moment the artist starts to have sex with the guy, she turns into his wife! (And though all women are bad, some of them sure wear great eye makeup.)

After visiting a bar with naked dancers and lesbians, the salesman spies on an outrageously swishy fag (LARRY HUNTER) putting the moves on another guy who, inexplicably, also changes into Leila: “Was I to see her enjoying herself everywhere?” He watches hippies (with fake beards and wigs) getting high, one of whom, surprise, surprise, looks just the Mrs.: “I don’t like these women! They’re bad! Evil! Degenerate!”

Then things turn “Olga,” as two women rough up a third with a little old-fashioned bondage. Another gal is seen naked and tied up on a couch as pleasant cocktail music plays, and a gal in shackles is violently whipped by a grinning thug: “See what I mean about women? The things they drive a man to!”

Suddenly, our hero finds himself in a strait-jacket feeling “a bulging and tightness that was unnatural!” He opens the jacket to discover he’s grown a pair of tits! His wife’s tits! “Was I to be burdened with a grotesque woman’s bosom for the rest of my life?” Apparently not because the next day, sans breasts, he watches a gal strip for a theatrical agent (pre-Deep Throat director GERARD DAMIANO), then sees a bizarre old geezer tickle her with feathers: “She drove him to it! You see? All women are bad!”

Finally, “deep in the bowels of the city,” he witnesses an “evil night creature” (dressed like a vampire) climb into a coffin and hump the corpse who, naturally, turns out to be (who else?) his wife...

One of the most bizarre New York nudies ever made and, of course, all true, all filmed as it actually happened. The trailer says it best: “All Women Are Bad! I ought to know... I’m a man!”
From the 35mm bad-babes negative. -- Dr. Sex